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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23080063">don’t bother looking down</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy'>dizzy</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/waveydnp/pseuds/waveydnp'>waveydnp</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>dee and fi [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>2009 Era (Phandom), F/F, Gender or Sex Swap, Sharing a Bed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:48:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,304</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23080063</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/waveydnp/pseuds/waveydnp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the first morning dee and fi wake up together</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dan Howell/Phil Lester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>dee and fi [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1063592</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>122</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>don’t bother looking down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/calvinahobbes/gifts">calvinahobbes</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>happy birthday, cal! we &lt;3 you</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dee doesn’t have a lot of experience sharing beds with people - she and Aaron never had too many chances to sleep in the same place when it wasn’t a tent at a festival. There was Paris, but even that involved bunking with multiple other people crammed in a small dingy hotel room, so they were in a bed together but far from alone. Maybe most people would have normal sleepover experience with friends, but no one seemed to want to invite over the tall freak everyone thought was a lesbian anyway.</p><p>No, actually. No. She’s not going there, not even in her own head. She rubs her eyes and swallows her shame and goes back to trying to find a square inch of duvet space to cover up with. It’s difficult since Fi’s managed to go full burrito.</p><p>Fi’s a proper mess, Dee thinks, heart constricting with fondness. Her hair is everywhere fanned out on the pillow - including in Dee’s mouth - and she’s drooling.</p><p>Plus, hogging all the covers. Dee gives a testing little tug to see what happens. Fi makes a very cute little protesting grunt in her sleep, rolling onto her stomach and monopolizing even more of the blanket.</p><p>Dee has to make a choice, then. It’s late October and not particularly warm, so there’s no way she’s going back to sleep as she is now, in underwear and an oversized t-shirt. She could get up and go sleep on the little sofa thing on the other side of Fi’s room. It’s where she was meant to be sleeping anyway, before late night bravery allowed her to crawl in next to Fi without having a crisis about it.</p><p>Does she have early morning bravery?</p><p>She was so brave yesterday, sat beside Fi on the big wheel. She remembers exactly the way the obnoxious cake flavored chapstick Fi was wearing smelled, the way it tasted once it was smeared on Dee’s lips, too.</p><p>Yeah, she can muster a <em>little</em> early morning bravery. Just enough to wiggle over the space between them on the mattress and tug harder until the blankets lift away from Fi’s body.</p><p>She swallows hard because she can see how Fi’s shirt has rucked up in the night, exposing the pale dip of her lower back. She doesn’t get long to appreciate, though. Fi makes a grumpier sound and scrunches her face up.</p><p>“You’re a thief, mate,” Dee says, quiet, but loud enough.</p><p>One of Fi’s eyes opens, just a little. “Huh?” She’s clearly still as asleep as a person can be without actually being asleep. Dee gives the duvet a little explanatory tug, and Fi looks down to where she’s being so rudely exposed to outside air. That seems to wake her up a little more. The other eye opens and she looks up at Dee. “Why’d you let me do that?”</p><p>Dee doesn’t have a chance to answer before Fi rolls right into her and nuzzles her face into Dee’s armpit. Her stomach explodes into warm flutters. “You nutter,” she says, fishing for the duvet and pulling it over both of them. “I’m freezing my tits off and it’s <em>my</em> fault?”</p><p>Fi is clearly still not awake. “You smell warm,” she says, shoving her somehow still ice cold fingers against Dee’s skin.</p><p>Apparently sleepy Fi is far bolder than fully awake Fi was. Sure, she’d done lots of touching, but it was more like fleeting pokes and prods and, in a couple instances, bites. Nothing like this, the splay of her hand wide over Dee’s stomach. Dee’s whole body is suddenly alight, and she reckons she might not even need bravery to reach out and do some touching of her own.</p><p>But Fi isn’t even really awake, and as soon as Dee’s had the urge, she shrinks back from it, that old familiar voice in her head accusing her of deviancy. The most she can allow herself is to put her own hand flat across the top of Fi’s.</p><p>Fi sighs, and it’s an unmistakably contented sound. “M’glad you’re here,” she murmurs.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Mm.”</p><p>“I’m like your own personal space heater, right?” She hadn’t meant for it to come out quite so self-effacing, but it’s not exactly dishonest.</p><p>Even half asleep, Fi seems to notice that. A furrow appears between her brows, and the pads of her fingers press a little more firmly into Dee’s skin. “Shut up.”</p><p>Dee’s heart thumps. “Why?” she whispers.</p><p>Fi opens her eyes. They’re almost blindingly blue this close up and in the clear light of day. “Because it’s stupid.”</p><p>“Your fingers are cold.”</p><p>Dee doesn’t understand how it is that Fi seems to understand exactly what’s happening inside Dee’s head. But clearly she does, because she keeps her eyes locked on Dee’s as she slides her hand up to cup Dee’s breast.</p><p>“Oh,” Dee breathes, because her insides are rioting and words suddenly seem rather pointless and inadequate.</p><p>“Warm here too,” Fi says, tipping her head slightly into the pillow and poking her tongue out from between her teeth.</p><p>“Fuck,” Dee says. That’s really all her puddle of a brain can form right now. “You can’t… do that. And expect me not to kiss you.” She’s not sure if it’s better or worse that Fi has just managed to totally melt her brain filter.</p><p>“Maybe that’s exactly what I expect,” Fi says.</p><p>Dee shifts down on the bed just a little and she’s already anticipating some sort of pure explosion of sensation, fireworks and all the corny shit, when Fi suddenly jerks back like something’s electrocuted her.</p><p>“What?” Dee asks, heart hammering now.</p><p>“Morning breath!” Fi squeaks. “I haven’t brushed my teeth.”</p><p>Dee blinks, unable to comprehend the words Fi is saying. Especially since Fi’s hand is still on her breast. And Dee still really, really wants to be kissing her.</p><p>Then Fi buries her face in Dee’s neck. “Sorry. Ruined it, didn’t I?” She drags her thumb over Dee’s nipple, seemingly just to assure that Dee will remain incapable of establishing any kind of rational thought pattern.</p><p>“No,” is all she manages to croak out. She doesn’t realize she’s arching her neck until Fi presses her lips against it.</p><p>“You really are warm,” Fi murmurs.</p><p>“You really are evil.”</p><p>“Sorry.” Fi laughs breathily, and that does nothing to quell all the maddening want inside Dee’s body.</p><p>“You aren’t, are you?”</p><p>“No,” Fi says without hesitation.</p><p>“Are you really not gonna let me kiss you because you have manky breath?”</p><p>Fi grins. “No.”</p><p>“No you’re not gonna let me?”</p><p>“No, I'm not gonna... not let you?” Fi laughs a sweet embarrassed laugh. “Shut up, you’re confusing me.”</p><p>“Doesn’t take much,” Dee teases.</p><p>Then Fi shuts her right up with a kiss. It’s clumsy and eager just like their kiss the night before, but in the best way, like Fi just wants to dive right into it.</p><p>Dee gets it. She feels it. She wants it, too.</p><p>Fi pulls away first. “I’m not the only one with manky breath.”</p><p>“Fuck off.” Dee leans back in and bites at Fi’s bottom lip. Now that she knows she’s got enthusiastic permission, she doesn’t really fancy <em>not</em> being attached at the mouth. “I actually kind of like it.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“I like weird stuff sometimes.”</p><p>“Explains why you like me, then, eh?” Fi smiles, biting the tip of her tongue again. It’s a thing Dee noticed in the videos, but in real life the adorableness of it is borderline unbearable.</p><p>Dee is fond as she rolls her eyes. “Not like you’re also funny and clever and insanely fit or anything.”</p><p>Fi scoffs. “I think you’re mistaking me for a mirror. Anyway, I literally bit you like five times yesterday, you’re not the only one who likes weird stuff!”</p><p>“Are you gonna tell me you have a vampire kink or something?” Dee snickers.</p><p>Fi looks up pointedly.</p><p>Dee follows her eyes.</p><p>There’s a massive poster of Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy the Vampire Slayer above Fi’s bed. Dee has no idea how she missed it before.</p><p>“Oh fuck me, you have a vampire kink.”</p><p>“You need to choose your words more carefully, young lady.”</p><p>Dee can’t recall ever vacillating between playful ribbing and pure carnal longing with such breakneck speed before. “You… can’t. Say things.”</p><p>“Maybe if you stopped being so pretty and half naked in my bed I wouldn’t feel the need to say things.”</p><p>Dee surges forward to hide her face in Fi’s neck. “Shut up.”</p><p>Fi finally takes her hand off Dee’s breast and uses it to pet her hair instead. It’s nice, actually. It gives Dee a moment to catch her breath.</p><p>“Can I say something?” Fi asks gently.</p><p>Dee keeps her face pressed in where she can smell Fi’s shampoo, her stomach tightening anxiously. “Okay?”</p><p>“You seem kind of surprised.”</p><p>At that she has to pull back and look at Fi’s face. “About what?”</p><p>Fi shrugs. “This? All of this.”</p><p>“I am, I guess,” she admits.</p><p>“Why? Did you miss the literal weeks of blatant flirting? And that thing where we kissed yesterday?”</p><p>“Yeah, but it’s just…” Surreal. Not the kind of thing that happens to Dee. She gets the ‘bicurious’ girls who wanna kiss her when they’re drunk in the woods and then go back to their boyfriends later. The ones who won’t wear heavy boots because they look too dyke-y but then put their hands on her thigh when it’s dark and no one is watching. The ones who are ashamed to want the things they want, and think that Dee should be ashamed too.</p><p>She doesn’t get girls who are proud to tell the whole of fucking social media that they think she’s too damn pretty, or worry about having morning breath with her, or seem to somehow think that <em>they’re</em> the lucky one.</p><p>“Just what?” Fi pouts.</p><p>“Just…” Dee swallows the words she can’t find back down and kisses Fi again instead. This time it’s a slow and measured thing. She frames Fi’s bottom lip carefully and lets her whole body go slack. Fi tilts her head and kisses back and Dee doesn’t actually need any bravery at all to sneak her hand under Fi’s shirt.</p><p>“You’re warm too,” Dee murmurs. “And soft.” She runs the tips of her fingers lightly across Fi’s stomach and presses their foreheads together.</p><p>Fi’s eyes are closed. “I was really, really hoping this would happen.”</p><p>Dee grins. “So you missed the flirting, too.”</p><p>“I guess I wasn’t sure what it meant. For you, anyway. I knew what it meant for me.” She presses a little kiss to the tip of Dee’s nose. “Then you kissed me.”</p><p>“I can’t believe I did that,” Dee admits. “I’ve never been so scared in my entire life.”</p><p>“Well,” Fi says, biting her lip. “You didn’t seem as scared when I did this before, so…”</p><p>Her hand slides down Dee’s shoulder, down to her waist then back up Dee’s t-shirt to cup her breast. Dee sucks in a breath, just as affected as before. “That’s not fair,” she says.</p><p>“Maybe not, but I’m not bothered,” Fi declares, then gently but firmly bites right at the curve of Dee’s neck.</p><p>It’s like it’s hard wired right to her clit. Dee gasps a sound she couldn’t contain even if she wanted.</p><p>“Maybe I’m not the only one with a vampire thing?”</p><p>Dee pushes on the back of Fi’s head. “Do that again.”</p><p>She does, sinking her teeth in then closing her mouth around the same spot. Dee has to clench her legs together just to quiet the pulsing ache that’s suddenly all she can think about.</p><p>It doesn’t work, though. It just gets louder, because now Fi’s sucking as well as biting while continuing to squeeze her tit and there’s nothing ambiguous about any of it.</p><p>Dee grabs onto Fi’s hips. She’s only following the urge to touch - to feel something, flesh under her fingertips. But Fi makes an almost growling sound and suddenly she’s on top of Dee, straddling her.</p><p>She’s glad Fi can’t see the expression on her face right now because she’s sure it’s something like a fish out of water gasping for air. She almost makes a joke about morning breath not bothering Fi now before some higher power bestows upon her one ounce of self-preserving judgement. Instead she says “Fuck,” which, while ineloquent, definitely represents exactly what she’s feeling right now.</p><p>Her hands are still on Fi’s hips and she doesn’t think any creature on the planet would blame her for what she does next: slide them down to cup Fi’s ass, the orange and blue patterned cloth of Fi’s pants barely providing a barrier between their skin.</p><p>She squeezes and Fi whines.</p><p>“Fuck,” Dee says again. “You can’t do that.”</p><p>“Do what?” Fi looks up, lips wet and swollen.</p><p>“Make… sounds.”</p><p>“If you can, I can,” Fi says.</p><p>“I wasn’t making sounds.”</p><p>“Oh, yes you were.” Fi is nothing short of delighted. “Loads of them.”</p><p>Dee lets go of Fi’s ass to fling one hand over her eyes in embarrassment.</p><p>“Hey, no, nuh uh.” Fi grabs that arm and pulls it away. “I liked them. I want you to do it more.”</p><p>Dee puts her hands there again, feeling the rounded shape of Fi’s cheeks through her knickers. “God. I think I’m gonna die.”</p><p>Fi chuckles and dips her head down to kiss the base of Dee’s throat and over to her collarbone. “Please don’t. This is fun, I wanna keep doing this.”</p><p>“I didn’t…” Dee trails off. Her brain is jumbled with wanting more and feeling like she’s already taking too much. It’s overwhelming, and not entirely in a good way, but she’s too fucking turned on to figure out exactly why her throat suddenly feels tight. <em>I didn’t know it could feel like this,</em> she wants to say.</p><p>But she doesn’t. Fi doesn’t need to know how much of a mess Dee is inside her own head. She doesn’t need to know that Dee has a new, earth shattering epiphany every time Fi touches her. When it comes down to the facts, they don’t even know each other that well, and Dee would sooner saw her own feet off than give Fi a reason to be scared away.</p><p>Because Dee is pretty sure she can’t live without this anymore. She can’t go back to convincing herself that it wouldn’t be all that much better with a bird than a bloke. It is. It is fucking better.</p><p>Fi sits up, reading the shift in tone without Dee needing to say a single word. “What’s wrong?” she asks. “Do you wanna stop?”</p><p>Dee barks a laugh, then bites her lip to stem the brewing hysteria. She gives her head a tight shake and digs her nails into Fi’s hips just for somewhere to put a little of the intensity of her emotion.</p><p>“So that’s… a no?” Fi asks, sounding even more unsure.</p><p><em><em>“</em></em>Fuck, of course I don’t want to stop,” Dee says fiercely. She stares up and marvels at how hot Fi looks with a slouchy t-shirt hanging off one shoulder, the neck stretched like Fi’s yanked a hanger through it the wrong way too many times. “I’m absolutely bricking it right now but I don’t want to stop for anything.”</p><p>“Dee!” Fi has the audacity to laugh. She sits back, hands resting now against Dee’s ribcage for a second, before she finds both of Dee’s hands and takes them in hers. “It’s just me! You don’t need to - to brick it.”</p><p>Dee snorts. It just sounds so silly coming out of Fi’s mouth. Dee sits up, forcing Fi to scoot back a little until she’s sat more on Dee’s thighs, and then she carefully and with no hesitation presses a warm smiling kiss to Fi’s mouth. “How do you do that?”</p><p>“Do what?” Fi asks.</p><p>“Just make me feel so… good about things,” Dee says in wonder. “I don’t get it, but please don’t stop<em><em>.” </em></em></p><p><em><em>“</em></em>I’m not gonna <em>stop</em>.” Fi makes a face, something amused and slightly disbelieving. “That’s how I’m supposed to make you feel. That’s how it works, innit?”</p><p>Dee doesn’t have to ask what <em>it</em> is. She’s fairly sure they’re on the same page now. <em>It</em> is something mutual, something beautiful, something she’d only been able to fantasize about until now. “I don’t really know how it’s supposed to work,” Dee admits.</p><p>“Well.” Fi squeezes Dee’s hands. “I guess I don’t really know either.”</p><p>“All I know is that it hasn’t felt like this before,” Dee says quietly. “No one’s felt like you.”</p><p>It’s too much. She regrets it the moment she’s said it. She may not know how it’s supposed to work, but she does know you’re not supposed to confess your undying love before you’re even officially dating. Before you’ve spent even a full day together.</p><p>“Sorry,” she says, forcing levity into her tone.</p><p>She doesn’t really need to, though. Fi ignores the apology completely and starts talking. “For me too. I mean, I guess I’ve fancied girls before, and I wanted a girlfriend like… embarrassingly badly, you know. But there was never any specific person - no one that made me feel like you do, Dee. No one that got me like you do. I know it might sound silly to you, but-”</p><p>“Shut up,” Dee says, cutting off Fi’s words.</p><p>Maybe it was embarrassing for Dee to think, but Fi’s saying it out loud now and suddenly Dee can’t stand the idea that Fi might feel a shred of that embarrassment.</p><p>“You’re just… you’re fit, yeah, but it’s more than that, isn’t it?” Fi gets more and more excited as she goes. “We get along so well and we like the same stuff and we make each laugh, but it’s even more than that. You make me feel good about who I am.”</p><p>“You make me feel safe,” Dee whispers, with no idea where the words come from. This is shades of those long skype conversations they’ve had, three am confessions she’s somehow making in the light of day now. “Like no matter what a fucked up weird place my mind is, you’re not going to run away.”</p><p>“I won’t,” Fi says fiercely. “And I’m weird too. Like, super weird.”</p><p>Dee has to laugh at that, because it’s definitely true and also definitely one of the reasons she finds herself falling so hard so fast. “Yeah. Thank fuck for that.”</p><p><em>“</em>You know I didn’t invite you here for this, right? Like, I hoped maybe we’d kiss or something, but I didn’t expect it. I just wanted to see the dimple in person, you know, and hear your laugh and see if we got on as well in real life. I wanted you to be here with me but it’s not because I expected you to—”</p><p>“Shut up!” Dee cuts her off more forcefully this time. She’s still got Fi sitting in her lap, so she wraps her arms around her and just squeezes as hard as she can. “Just admit you wanted a piece of this.”</p><p>Fi hooks her arms around the back of Dee’s neck. “I’m not saying I didn’t. I wanted that pretty much as soon as I saw what you look like.”</p><p>Dee grins up at her. “Creep.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know. Shut up.” Fi leans down and kisses her, and Dee kisses back eagerly, with an open mouth and a wet tongue and a hand slid up the back of Fi’s shirt to cup the back of her neck.</p><p>Dee pulls away when things start to feel hot and needy inside of her. She’s got one more very important thought to express before she loses herself completely. “Hey Fi.”</p><p>“What?” Fi asks, dazed, her lips kissed a dark, shiny pink.</p><p>“Did you say girlfriend?”</p>
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